10 ways to let your wife know she is loved and to help her feel loved
Most men love their wives deeply and yet many women still say, quietly or aloud, I don’t feel loved. This gap is rarely about lack of care, it is about how love is expressed, received and attuned to.
Love is not only an intention, but also an experience. Below are ten ways to help love land in your wife’s body, nervous system and heart, not just exist in your mind. Your feelings and intentions are not necessarily seen nor felt by her unless you tune into her and tell her in ways she can feel them.
1. Learn her love language and use it deliberately
Gary Chapman’s five love languages give a useful framework, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts.
If your wife’s primary language is words, but yours is acts of service, she may appreciate what you do, but still feel emotionally unseen.
Ask her directly or do the online quiz together
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
and then practise expressing love in her love language, as well as your own.
2. Offer presence, not problem solving
Many women want to be fully heard, to express their thoughts and feelings without them being seen as a problem to be fixed.
Use active listening. Give her eye contact, your attention, stillness, and responses which acknowledge what she is telling you such as
“I can hear how upsetting that was for you”
“That makes sense, given what you were dealing with”
Do your best not to give advice or solutions, nor be dismissive or minimising.
Presence and full attention build emotional security. Security builds trust and love.
3. Use words that affirm her inner world
Compliments about appearance are welcome, but emotional affirmation goes even deeper. Let her know you see her courage, her thoughtfulness, her integrity, her wisdom, her care.
Simple statements such as
“I admire how you handled that”
“I love the way your mind works”
can have a profound impact.
4. Initiate connection without an agenda
When affection only appears to lead to sex, many women close down. Give touch that is gentle, affectionate and not outcome driven,maybe a hand on her back, a kiss on her forehead, sitting close, helps her nervous system relax and gives her a feeling of peace. From that place, desire has room to grow naturally.
5. Make time that is protected and intentional
Quality time is not watching television side by side while exhausted.
It is intentional attention, a walk together, a coffee where phones are away, a meal where she has your full attention.
Regular connection prevents resentment from building quietly over time and quietly allows connection and natural conversation about feelings and needs to develop.
6. Take responsibility without being asked
Acts of service land as love when they are proactive, not reactive.
Doing something because you notice it needs doing, not because she reminded you, communicates partnership and consideration rather than dependence and seeing you as someone she needs to guide. Make a mental note about the tasks that are an issue for her and take them on. It could be something as simple as noticing and picking up the towels from the bathroom floor, emptying the bin when it’s almost full, picking up necessities when you’ve seen stocks are running low, giving her space from the kids when she needs some quiet time. This reduces the invisible emotional labour many women carry.
7. Listen for her feelings beneath her words
Active listening means hearing what is underneath what she is saying. If she says “I feel lonely”, responding with curiosity rather than defensiveness really matters.
You might say
“Tell me more about that”
“What do you most need from me right now”
This tells her that her feelings are welcome. If you take things personally or get defensive, communicating with you may become more trouble than it’s worth to her and she may stop expressing herself to you.
8. Repair quickly after conflict
No relationship avoids rupture, but loving relationships repair. It’s important to take responsibility if you do something which upsets her, say you are sorry and make amends.
A genuine apology sounds like
“I can see how that hurt you, I’m sorry, and I want to understand so I don’t do it again”
Repair restores trust far more than being right ever will.
9. Celebrate her both publicly and privately
Let her know you are proud of her, not only behind closed doors, but in front of others too. Being chosen, honoured and appreciated strengthens emotional security.
It tells her, you matter to me.
10. Stay curious about who she is becoming
Women evolve, especially through midlife, motherhood, career shifts and personal growth. Ask her questions about her dreams, what is important to her, her fears, her changing needs. Be willing to make room to help her fulfil herself.
Love deepens when curiosity remains alive.
Next Steps
Choose one or two of the ten areas above and practise it consistently for two weeks, without expecting anything in return.
Have a gentle conversation with your wife about what helps her feel most loved and listen to her response without defending or explaining. Notice how safety, warmth and connection shift when love is expressed in ways that truly land.
Two reflective questions for you, which of these do you already do well and where do you sense there is room to grow?
In amongst all this, be kind and forgiving of yourself. You might not get it right every time, but you are really doing your best to make her feel your love.
With love,
Heather
My name is Heather Garbutt and I send you my love and wish you every success in the search for your true love. If you would like guidance on attracting, true, committed and healthy romantic love, contact now me on Heather@heathergarbutt.com.