Dating Online and How to Find Your Mirror

You’ve finally taken the plunge and are going to complete your profile for online dating and I’m proud of you, this is such a brave first step.  What I want to do now is ensure that you get the best experience and don’t kiss a hundred frogs to find your true love.  We are looking for a mirror, a true reflection of yourself and to do this, you need to write a “Mirror Profile”.

Don’t think of your profile as a popularity contest, this isn’t a marketing exercise or a way to get hundreds of hits.  This is you searching for your soulmate, and you want someone out there to find you because they truly resonated with your words.

As such, it’s important to get the words and phrases right, and filter out all those frogs. 

I want you to think about when you do a search on “Google”, and you are looking for an item or place.  I am sure you will be specific with your words to find what you need.  Translate this to when you write your profile.  i.e., Who would you want your new love to be? What are your beliefs, feelings, and ideals? 

Now, let’s look at this in more detail.

It’s All in the Reflection

Think about the person reading your profile and what reaction you would like.  The ideal would be for someone to think “OMG, that’s me!  How can anyone know me so well?”  When this happens, that person will be moved within, and compelled to send an emphatic response.

You will only get this reaction by writing about who you truly are, from deeply within.  Forget saying about what your friends and family say.  Forget the phrase “about me? Let’s see, I love to….”.  You want your match to find you through seeing your inner self, not because you’ve said what you’re looking for in a partner.

How ambitious are you? Are you a risk taker? Is your glass always half full or half empty? Are money and materials important to you? Is intellectual stimulation an important factor? Do you love the arts or nature? What are your values and religion or spirituality?

Then there’s your attitude to love, sex, and romance, to meet your mirror you need to be honest about your true feelings, for example:

How often do you like sex? In the realm of dating, do you like to take it slow or be more spontaneous? What does emotional intimacy mean to you? Are you a passionate person and do you like to nurture your partner?

You do also need to factor in some more practical thoughts around how much time you want to spend with a new partner and what your political views are.  Also consider whether you think you are an idealist or realist and whether you go into a relationship with your head or your heart? 

These are all important pieces of a jigsaw you need to put together to get a true reflection.  You don’t want to be a year down the line and find there are many pieces missing.

My final facet of the soul is to really consider the type of relationship you are searching for.  Is it a more old-fashioned traditional role; a relationship of equals; or something somewhere in the middle?  Make sure you are clear about where you sit.

Writing Your Profile

Once you have made notes on all your facets of the soul, it’s time to put it into your own words.

Try starting your sentences with things like:

I am …… I feel ….. I need …..

I love …. I never ….. I seldom …..

I enjoy ….. I think ….. I don’t ….

I believe ….. I want ….. I like …..

I wish ….. I wonder …. I tend to …..

I often ….. I appreciate … I must …..

Now turn the “I” statements into questions for your future partner, ask them meaningful things based on your statements above – you want to dig deep into their soul.  Forget the old expression “I want never gets”, this is you striving to get who you truly want in your life.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to be open and honest.  Your profile needs to accurately describe you, your soul facets and what’s most important to you.

Always include a short introduction and don’t forget to proofread your finished profile before airing it.

Keys to the Heart

What are you needs, what makes you feel truly alive, things without which you can hardly breath? This is what I mean by keys to the heart.

You might be someone that absolutely requires touch; adventure; to be empathised with and understood; or maybe certain music touches your soul.  These are all things that will help to make you deeply understood and are important to document in your profile.

It’s just as important to discuss these with your potential suitors, ask them what lightens their heart, or puts fire in their belly, preferably on the first date.

Now that I have My Profile, Where Should I Post it.

There are several types of sites, but the ones I’d like to focus on are:

• Those similar to Match.com and Plentyoffish, which are great venues for a wide mirror search.
• Sites with inbuilt matching software like eHarmony and Chemistry that concentrate on personality matching.

Both are good for different reasons.

With Match and PoF, using your mirror profile will attract people with the highest level of matching. However, be patient and give your profile up to 3 months to really begin to work and even 6 months to get the strongest mirrors.  Don’t be tempted to morph your profile to get more hits, 3 truly genuine and promising hits in one month is far better than a whole host of time wasters.

With eHarmony and Chemistry, you will be asked to answer a number of questions.  However, there is an essay area for placing your mirror profile – regardless of how the site is constructed, place it here.  Or, if necessary, break it down into chunks to go in separate boxes, don’t worry if this looks unconventional.  What’s important is the beauty behind your words, which will look far better to other members than a “form answer”.

You’ve Done It!

That’s it, you’ve done it, you’ve taken that first big, brave step in finding someone that will be a true reflection of yourself.  Now have some fun and enjoy the excitement of meeting new people and don’t be disappointed if your expectations are not met straight away.  Sometimes, someone can look like a mirror on paper and sound amazing over the phone but might not have that spark you are looking for.  That’s fine, you might have just met a lovely new friend, use these experiences to polish the reflection of your mirror.  Remember, mirroring is about filtering and not casting a wide net.

Always Stay Safe

My final request to you all is to please, please, stay safe. Always meet your first date in a public place and let a friend or member of your family know where you are going.