Dealmakers and Dealbreakers to help make your first date more enjoyable

You’ve completed your online dating profile; you’ve envisioned where you want to be in years to come; and even considered how to choose the right person to fall in love with. It’s nearly time to make your first date but there’s still a bit of work to be done.

One of the most important things is to define your Dealmakers and Dealbreakers, the things you want and do not want from your new love.

Your Dealmakers will be in alignment with your intention and vision for your relationship. However, to eliminate the frogs, we need to be able to rule out the Dealbreakers, as part of the sorting process of who you will have your fist date with.

Here’s some examples of Dealmakers:

1. They are well mannered, considerate, and respectful to you.
2. You have a sense of trustworthiness in the way that they write or talk to you.
3. They are responsive and reliable, text you or contact you when they say they will.
4. You can sense the warmth, friendliness, honesty and kindness.
5. They are emotionally intelligent, considerate of your feelings and aware of how their words and behaviour may affect you.
6. They can apologise if they see they have let you down.
7. They can take responsibility for themselves. 
8. They live a healthy lifestyle.
9. They share your values and want similar things in life and a relationship.
10. They feel equal to you.
11. They are available.
12. They are accessible

Some examples of Dealbreakers:

1. They are unreliable, disrespectful, cross boundaries to sexualise your conversation before you’ve even met.
2. They behave suspiciously, give you the feel that they want to have power over you rather than power with you.
3. You have a feeling of game-playing.
4. They don’t respond when they say they are going to, and disregard how that might affect you.
5. You don’t feel the warmth, friendliness, honesty, and kindness.
6. They don’t demonstrate emotional intelligence, consider your feelings, and lack awareness of the impact of their behaviour on you or others.
7. They don’t apologise if they have let you down or kept you waiting overly long.
8. They show a sense of victimhood, the world, their ex etc is out to get them.
9. They don’t live healthily, maybe have active addictions.
10. They have different values and want different things from life or a relationship.
11. They do not feel your equal, either so superior that you feel intimidated or so inferior that you feel you’d need to rescue them.
12. They are embroiled in other relationships, not able to be sufficiently committed to you should you start a relationship together.
13. They live so far away that it would be difficult or a drama just to visit each other.

Written in black and white it’s easier to define healthy and unhealthy contact. This isn’t an all-inclusive list.  You will also be listening to your own feelings and instincts.

The important thing is to go slowly and make a container of trust and respect before you engage any further. If this isn’t possible, let them go.  You don’t want someone who gives you anxiety and agitation, heartache and a headache. You’ll naturally want someone who makes you feel excited, warm, calm and safe.

If you would like to talk about finding the right person for you, please don’t hesitate to get in contact.