Today I want to share with you my contribution to an article in Red Magazine, entitled “Low sex drive in women.”

Losing interest in sex happens to more women than you might think.

The cliche that women need closeness and connection to feel sexy, and that men need to have sex to feel close, is really a truth.

Maybe this sounds familiar to you but you are still missing having sex.  To help you to understand things that may cause a loss of libido and for tips on getting your mojo back, read the Q&A below, or read the article on Red Online here:


What controls a woman’s sex drive?

Obviously a woman’s sex drive is controlled fundamentally by her hormones and her body’s urge to get pregnant. Additionally, it’s driven by the desire to bond, to be close to her partner. She will often find that the sex is better and more attractive if she feels close to him or her.  If her partner understands her love language – physical affection, kind and appreciative words, does things for her, gives her gifts, spends quality time with her or gives her the space she needs to be alone sometimes – it will make her more open to them sexually. 

Why does it change?

It changes over time  as hormones change. Some women completely lose interest in sex at the menopause, most will do so if they are exhausted or feel undervalued or unloved. If a couple become co-parents, more colleagues than lovers, and let go of their relationship with each other, their sex life will suffer. 

How to increase sex drive

It’s important to look after yourself as a woman first and foremost. Do the things that give you pleasure and make sure your partner understands which  are your love languages and request that they act on them. Discovering his or hers can be really helpful too. 

What to do in a relationship if one partner’s sex drive is higher than the other?

It’s common for one partner’s sex drive to be higher than another. Sometimes it might be that a woman will provide sex if her partner wants it but this must never be in a coercive situation. The cliche that women need closeness and connection to feel sexy and that men need to have sex to feel close is really a truth. Learning to negotiate this well is very important so good, honest and warm conversations will be needed. 

Please continue to look after yourself and try to remain as healthy and happy as you can.