The following is the script of Podcast Episode 11: Finding love after the pandemic.
You can listen to the podcast here.
Heather Garbutt: Hello everyone and welcome. It’s relationship coach Heather Garbutt here in the UK, along with my love coach psychotherapist colleague, Angela Barrett in Australia to talk about finding love after lockdown. Hi Angela.
Angela Barrett: Hi Heather. It’s great to see you again. So today we’re going to be talking about two powerful steps that people can take now to get ready for love, to call in a wonderful partner.
HG: That sounds great Ange. We hope you’ve all stayed well during COVID-19 restrictions that have impacted all of our lives and relationships so hugely. In many ways, it’s been a really isolating experience for us all. And at the same time, it’s brought us closer on a virtual level. It’s also been a time for deep introspection and re-evaluating of our lives.
AB: Yes, Heather, it really has. I think it’s given us a lot of us, uh, the opportunity and impetus and indeed the luxury, really for a lot of us to have an overview of our lives and the circumstances of even of our relationship status. And that’s what’s inspired our chat today.
HG: Yes, it is Ange. Today we’re talking about how you can get back on track to find your true love now. As our countries begin to make moves to come out of lockdown and self-isolation. We’re both certified Calling in The One coaches and have looked at lockdown through the lens of those of you living alone and longing for a true love to share your life. And what have you observed on the love landscape during this time amongst single people wanting to discover new love?
AB: Well, in the initial shock and fear that saw us all retracting into our homes and into ourselves energetically, there was an understandable sense of despondency with single people – people who were alone in life and who don’t want to be alone. So, you know, the question I think on a lot of their lips ‘how am I ever going to meet anybody now?’ Like it was hard enough before. How can I ever meet anybody when I can’t go out? But then as we adapted to the isolation and started coming to terms with ‘well that’s how it was going to be for a while’ and accepted where we’re at, I noticed an awakening happening for a lot of people. So for many single people, the sense of isolation started to actually highlight for them that they seriously wanted a relationship. So as life became quieter and less action focused with less to do lists where people were less action focused, people really started to notice their longing for love far more than they did when they were at work, when they were busy socializing, exercising, and with all of the other commitments and distractions. So I was delighted when people started contacting me actually during the pandemic to work on Calling in The One. What have you seen Heather?
HG: Yeah, I’ve seen the same. I’ve really seen people going deeper. They’re reflecting, they’re looking at their love lives with a different eye, really taking stock. They’re evaluating, feeling the loneliness and wanting to create something new. I’m interested in your word awakening. It seems to me that this time has really given people the chance to look at all sorts of online resources, wake up to new possibilities, help them think afresh about how love goes for them. There’s been a groundswell for me of interest in Calling in The One – despite people’s fears about money. It feels like they’re really making that commitment to themselves. And people have been contacting me with that determination to make a serious change in their life after the lockdown.
AB: Yeah, it’s really encouraging. So I thought it might be useful for us to talk about how single people who are wanting a relationship can actually use this time to start doing some work towards finding a healthy, loving relationship. What do you think?
HG: Yeah, well, we got the time to think, journal, create the structure that really supports us. We can really get going to call in true love. I’m hearing people doing lots of online courses and finding them useful, and they’re waking them up a bit, but they’re not really cutting through the difficulties. I’m hearing that time and again. People are asking me for strong support to let go of their old protective behaviours that have protected them in love and break through to their full flourishing self who can really attract deep lasting love. Let’s give some ideas about where to start from shall we?
AB: Okay. So the first step that you and I, Heather, both work with with our clients is to get really clear on the nature of the love and the partner that you want to have in your life. A lot of people really overlook this step. Often, we know what we don’t want based on past hurts and past experience, but rarely do we think or define what we do want. In Calling in The One coaching we do that with our clients, and we refer to this as the intention for love.
HG: Yeah. The intention is vitally important because we’re not just making a decision with our heads, we’re setting our heart and soul in commitment to finding our one. It takes a strength of purpose to stop attracting the same kind of relationship experience and choices. And we need to really rouse ourselves and really focus. This intention will be our compass pointer and keep us to our direction towards love.
AB: Spot on Heather. And what’s become apparent to me in this time, is that this time of reflection has given people even greater clarity about what they want in a partner in a relationship. And my sense is that people are becoming more switched on to the deeper qualities they want in a partner. So it’s less about, you know, an income and physical attributes or status. The women that I’m talking to at the moment are becoming very clear that they want someone, for example, who has their back, someone that they can trust, someone that they can be fully themselves with and someone who will be by their side through the tough times, just like we’ve been going through.
HG: Yeah, absolutely Ange. Let’s just let’s list some of those qualities that have been coming up that were always present in high quality relationships. For me, and what I hear, these are love, kindness, affection, respect, loyalty, commitment, and a willingness to address conflict wholesomely.
AB: Absolutely. Yeah.
HG: My client, Joan, let’s give an example of an intention. My client Joan in her 60’s, she’d been in a loveless marriage with a man who’d had a series of affairs. Eventually they divorced, but she was left with a lingering belief that she was not wanted. And she bravely came to me for Calling in The One after several lonely years where she only attracted men who dallied with her. They’d do a few dates, you know, crudely, see if they could get her into bed basically, and then they’d pass on. And she would, again, just feel used and not wanted. But she set the most beautiful of intentions, really struck my heart. And that included that her man would – that word again, that phrase again – have her back, hold her in a soft loving gaze and cherish her with affectionate words and deeds. That he would be loyal and devoted to her. We did our work in the coaching and we looked at the patterns that got in the way of that and really got deep down and shifted the ground rock, you know, and she’s since met a lovely man and they’ve been happily together for three years. He looks after her so warmly and with such a generosity of heart.
AB: Wow. I love that example. That’s a beautiful example.
HG: So delighted for her.
AB: Yes, absolutely. I wish those words had come to my lips when I was looking for love. That’s beautiful. And I can really see how even phrasing, you know, giving words to the love that she wanted like that, really kind of started to shape who she was calling in.
HG: Absolutely those beautiful qualities.
AB: And that leads us to really the next powerful step in calling an amazing partner. So following on from setting your intention, the next powerful step is to ask yourself, who would I need to be to have that kind of love? Who would I need to be to have that relationship? Who would I need to be, to call in that amazing partner and to maintain a healthy relationship with them. This is such an important part of the love equation, and again, one that we barely give any thought to.
HG: Can you explain a bit more why this is such a critical question, Ange?
AB: Sure. Well often Heather, as you know, the way that we are living our life isn’t necessarily compatible with the type of life that we want to have, or the type of relationship that we’re going to have. It’s a little like oil and water not mixing. So, I’ll give you an example to help kind of illustrate the point. So if you want to call in a man, if somebody wants to call in a man who’s healthy, wholesome, and honest, yet they’re over drinking every night, treating themselves badly and their body badly. And not being honest with themselves in some areas of life, then they won’t necessarily gel with that kind of person. So in that case, that person, that woman would need to be the healthy, wholesome, honest person that she’s wanting to call into her life. What are your thoughts, Heather?
HG: Yeah, I think that’s absolutely true. I’m just going to tease it out a bit more. If you’re treating yourself well, taking yourself seriously and really nurturing yourself on all the levels, you know, body mind, adequate support, healthy ambitions, having pleasure in your life, treating money well, giving yourself time, being kind to yourself with a healthy feeling of self worth and confidence. You’re not going to be interested in dating someone who won’t treat you well. You won’t even notice them. This is the biggest wake-up call. Ange and I want you to be choosing your partner, not choosing desperately or being chosen, waiting to be chosen from a position of vulnerability and urgency and desperation. We really want you to be the chooser, almost the interviewer to really cultivate the discernment, to see who is good for you. And this is the biggest wake-up call we need to have now for us as individuals, and our planet. We really need to raise our game to create love in the world and attract love to ourselves.
AB: Beautifully said, Heather, beautifully said. And what we’re talking about really is it’s about reshaping yourself into the person you’d need to be, to have the love that you want. And that might sound funny, but it’s, you know, we’re talking about things like, you know, sometimes that might be about letting things go from your life, like toxic relationships or a fixation with an ex. Sometimes it’s about embracing new ways of being, like taking on new practices, rediscovering an old hobby or setting boundaries with yourself about the types of people that you’re going to go on dates with. I’ll just give a client example, somebody who took this whole thing very seriously. So Grace was 35, and an executive. And she’d been in relationships where she subjugated her needs for the needs of other people. She was habitually with men who were self-centred, and it was really demoralizing for her. During our coaching work together, we uncovered a core belief that she had of ‘I don’t matter’. So she’s had experiences in her early life which were sort of repeated throughout her life, that gave her the sense that she didn’t matter. And so the way that she was being in relationships, when she was really kind of rooted in that false belief, she was showing up as somebody who didn’t, whose feelings and needs didn’t matter. So she would always defer to the other person. She wouldn’t share her feelings because she was coming from a belief that they didn’t really matter. So once she, once she woke up, once we discovered where she was, where she’d been coming from in her relationships all the time, and she decided she dug her heels in and decided that she wanted to show up in life as somebody who mattered, she wanted to matter in relationships. So she quit a job where she was undervalued because she realized that she’d been, you know, again, subjugating her feelings and needs to stay in a job where she wasn’t valued. She bought herself a beautiful pendant, which was a symbol to herself that she mattered – something that she’d never done before. And she started treating herself like somebody that mattered and, you know, low and behold, she called in a beautiful man who treated her like she mattered, treated her feelings like they mattered and really reflected back to her that she mattered in life.
HG: Beautiful work Ange. She was so lucky to have you to help her through, that’s beautiful. And I’m so glad, you know, I just wonder, be grateful in the world that she has that now. You know, my client Joan has that now. It’s just lovely. Yeah. And the beauty of this is that we can do this work right now. You can really search for a kickstart to your love life, and you can start physically dating again. By now, just listening to us, you’ll know it’s time to take yourself seriously, get good support to make these changes in your life and grow into the person, a lover you want to be. This is actually the perfect time isn’t it Ange? Remember, we’re here to lead you and give you the loving support you need to see you through.
Visit our websites now or email us to book a half hour call to learn more. Likewise, if anyone has any questions they’d like to ask either of us or anything you’d like to talk about in our next chat, you can get in touch with me, email@example.com
AB: And me firstname.lastname@example.org Both Heather and I offer Calling in The One programs, coaching for individuals through this world renowned eight week program. Contact us now and change your love life forever.
HG: Thank you so much for listening and thank you so much Ange for coming and being with me again, and for bearing with me through all the technical difficulties. Thank you so much. I’ll look forward to us working together again. Lots of love for now.
AB: Thank you, so do I. Lots of love.